The Three Levels of Relationship that change everything:
Your Romance, Your Friendships, Your Life Itself
There is an evolutionary pattern that governs every relationship you have—from your intimate partner to your colleagues, your friends, even your relationship with yourself. Once you understand this fundamental pattern, you can make every relationship in your life extraordinary.
"A revolutionary map for the future of intimate relationship"
— Ken Wilber, Author of A Theory of Everything
600+ pages | 5.0 stars across all platforms
Why Does Modern Love Feel So Hard?
You've done everything right. You've worked on yourself. You communicate. You're committed to growth. And yet—Something still feels missing.
The passion fades. The connection that once felt electric now feels predictable.
You wonder: Is this all there is?
You're told the answer is more therapy, better communication, deeper vulnerability. But what if the problem isn't that you're doing relationship wrong...
What if the very model of relationship we've inherited is no longer enough?
This is the question that brought Barbara Marx Hubbard and Dr. Marc Gafni together in a pursuit to solve the crisis at the core of modern relationships. And what they discovered will forever change how you understand love.
"Wish I had known all this 20 years ago"
— Dorothea, Verified Reader (Germany)
The Truth About Modern Love
The research is undeniable.
Couples report feeling profoundly alone inside their relationships
Passion fades as comfort deepens
Partners become the sole source of meaning, which is an unbearable weight for them to carry
Children become idols, trying to fulfill the purpose that the couple can't find in their daily lives
Personal fulfillment becomes a far off dream
"We are so disconnected from ourselves, and from each other. This wisdom gives hope that a new world is possible."
— Joel, Verified Reader (Canada)
Why This Happens: The Secret Most People Never Learn
There are three levels of relationship. But most people get stuck at level two—because they don't know level three even exists.
Here's what Barbara and Marc discovered:
Level 1: Role Mate
You're in a relationship because it provides physical safety and a greater possibility for collaboration. Each person in the relationship has fixed roles and responsibilities. Often this was split up as provider and nurturer. This worked for survival—until women's liberation, economic shifts, and the demand for authentic selfhood shattered it.
We began to want more from relationships. We wanted deep connection, passion, joy, fulfillment. So we evolved beyond Role Mate.
Level 2: Soul Mate
This is the modern ideal.
Find your person. Share deep intimacy. Communicate vulnerably. Overcome trauma of past relationships. Pursue fulfillment together.
This was real progress: emotional depth, personal authenticity, the right to choose freely.
But soul mate has a fatal flaw: it isolates the couple from the world.
Two people meet each other's needs (in the short term at least). They "complete" each other. They make happiness the goal. Their relationship becomes their entire world.
The problem is: that's when the deeper loneliness begins.
Without knowing it, you've created what Barbara and Marc call "the narcissism of two"—you're profoundly connected to each other, but profoundly isolated from everything else.
And eventually, soul mate dynamics begin to collapse in on themselves.
Level 3: Whole Mate
Most people never discover this level exists.
Whole mates don't just complete each other—they co-create together.
They don't just gaze into each other's eyes, they stand side by side, looking at a shared horizon. Their love doesn't turn inward, it flows outward in service to something larger.
The relationship itself has a purpose beyond the two people in it.
This is why soul mate love feels unfulfilling even when it's "working."
You're being called to level three. A larger and more integrated form of relationship, but no one gave you the map of how to get there.
What Readers Are Saying:
Joel
Canada
"This book is a game changer in the way you think about your relationships all the way up and down (business, intimate , and all others)"
Wouter Torfs
United States
"The most important book on Relations since Venus and Mars.
I was so impressed that I bought immediately a copy for our four children…"
Camille R.
France
"In many ways, it is a new operating model for how to be in the world, how to be in relationship, with oneself, others, and the world in general."
The Evolutionary Whole Mate Partnership That Lived What This Book Teaches
Barbara Marx Hubbard:
The Visionary
At 85, Barbara Marx Hubbard had already lived multiple lifetimes worth of contribution. She was a futurist who advised presidents and global leaders. An author whose books sparked awakenings all over the planet. A social innovator who understood that humanity stands at an evolutionary threshold.
She was nominated for Vice President of the United States in 1984—after accepting, she have the goal to win, but to inject evolutionary consciousness into the political conversation. She co-founded the Foundation for Conscious Evolution.
And she spent decades devoted to answering the question that would define her life:
What is humanity's potential? How can we evolve?
She had experienced soul mate connection. But it wasn't until she met Dr. Marc Gafni that she discovered what lay beyond.
Dr. Marc Gafni:
Prolific World Philosopher
Dr. Marc Gafni stands at the intersection of ancient wisdom and evolutionary thought—a rare voice capable of synthesizing mystical traditions, contemporary philosophy, and evolutionary science into frameworks that illuminate human potential.
Author of more than 40 books including the groundbreaking Your Unique Self, which introduced a radical new understanding of enlightenment beyond ego—not the dissolution of self, but the discovery of your irreplaceable essence. His two volumes on Radical Kabbalah revealed mystical teachings hidden for centuries, making them accessible to modern seekers.
As co-founder of the Center for World Philosophy and Religion, Marc has pioneered what he calls "a new Story of Value"—an evolutionary framework that positions human beings not as cosmic accidents, but as chapters in reality's love story with itself. His work has influenced thought leaders worldwide, from Ken Wilber to evolutionary biologists, therapists to spiritual teachers.
But Marc's most profound teaching don't emerge from books or lecture halls.
It emerges from living in evolutionary partnerships with other collaborators like Barbara Marx Hubbard.
Barbra and Marc became a team that would reveal what the future of relationships are evolving toward. Many of their insights together are captured in this book.
A Book That Honors Barbara's Final Wish
Barbara passed in 2019. Her voice lives in every page of this book.
In the last five years of her life, Barbara was in deep study with Marc, as they brought together their Unique genius.
During her final days, Barbra asked Marc to promise that he would continue the writing Whole Mate, and other important works that they had began together.
After her death, Marc continued the work, honoring Barbara's request that their shared vision reach the world.
Whole Mate was written together by Barbra and Marc—their conversations, their insights, their lived experience as evolutionary partners woven into every teaching.
This book is a transmission from two people who discovered love's next level by living it.
It's Barbara's final gift. Marc's promise kept. And your invitation to join the evolution of love itself.
"This is a remarkable book that deserves careful study and wide readership. It sets the concept and experience of relationships into a broad context of the nature of reality and the arc of evolution, both physical and cultural."
— Dr. Jensen Verified Reader (United Kingdom)
Frequently Asked Questions
Can this work if my partner isn't 'spiritual' or interested in evolution?
Yes. Whole mate isn't about spiritual jargon—it's about discovering what your relationship (romantic, friendship, professional) is actually here to create. One reader said: "Easy language to read and understand."
Many readers report that living these principles yourself creates natural transformation. Your partner responds to your actions that come from a place of wholeness. The book shows practical paths whether you're both on the journey together or one person is awakening first.
I'm single. How does this apply to me?
Profoundly. Understanding the three levels helps you recognize an evolutionary partner when you meet them—and avoid mistaking soul mate chemistry for whole mate alignment.
More importantly, the journey to Unique Self (your irreplaceable essence and gift) is foundational whether you're partnered or not. As one reader noted: "this is not only romantic relationships, but all relationships between human beings."
Is this only for romantic relationships?
No. This is one of the greatest breakthroughs in this book. The three levels apply to every relationship: romantic partnerships, friendships, business collaborations, parenting, your relationship with yourself and with life itself. One verified reader wrote: "This book is a game changer in the way you think about your relationships all the way up and down (business, intimate, and all others)."
Can a relationship move from soul mate to whole mate, or do you need to start over?
Relationships absolutely can evolve. Many readers report exactly this transformation. One wrote: "I can recognize the ways in which our relationship has grown through the levels that Marc Gafni taught us: role mate, soul mate and whole mate." Another said: "This book didn't just save our relationship—it revealed what our relationship was actually FOR." The transition isn't about leaving your partner—it's about discovering together what you're here to co-create.
How is this different from all the other relationship books?
One reader answered it perfectly: "This book gives a completely new view on relationships, so different from everything I ever read on the subject. Nothing less than a revolution!" Another: "The most important book on relations I have read since 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' almost 25 years ago."
This book isn't about quick relationship hacks—it's a fundamental shift in understanding what relationship is for.